Chapter Five

At least I hope it's five. I'm going to screw that up one of these days. It has been brought to attention that I can be, well, a cold bastard. However, if I was truly such, I ideally wouldn't be writing this blog.
Today my mother, for very understandable reasons, pulled out a bunch of old pictures and such. Needless to say, I have no care for such memories. It's not because I don't care about people, but I have a distaste for keeping most things, regardless of what the subject material may be, of whatever supposed sentimental worth it may carry. My mum reacted very well on the outside to what must've seemed like a complete apathy, but I could tell it bothered her a little. A shame, but nothing to be done about it.
A second reason as to why people might occasionally perceive me as such is because I have a general distaste for humanity, largely stemming out of a distaste for myself. This gets fairly complicated, and I don't understand the logic, or lack thereof, behind it myself, but I will do my best to explain through way of the typed word. I hold the basic belief that people are driven by various sins of selfishness. I hold this belief because, more than in most others that I meet, I see it so evident in my own nature, in the reasons for my own actions. Hm, that last sentence was somewhat choppy. Oh, well. Anywho, I used to get pretty depressed about this. Then there was a phase where I just had idealized goals of self-betterment is some epic sorta way. Now, I realize I've become fairly accepting of it, and apathetic about it, coming to the conclusion that it quite simply can be no other way. I dislike it, and dislike myself as a byproduct thereof, but cannot actively change it. Instead, I merely embrace my moments of altruism as much as possible until I return to being the selfish pig that I am, and becoming part of that same herd I know all humans are fundamentally a part of. By the course fo religion, it would just seem as some pigs get the chance to grow wings and fly out of the muddy pen. Good for them.

Ah, that felt inconclusive, but oh, well, it was destined to be. Maybe later. Maybe not.

Hm, I must depart from this screen for now, but I may come back to edit this with an add or two later.
Big rugby game on tonight.
BIG.